Thoughts from an introvert

A few days ago, as I was sitting in my Moscovian dorm room eating my newest creation (which I will optimistically call Russian macaroni and cheese), I came across a phenomenal Ted Talk, "The power of introverts." Some of you have probably already seen it, but for those of you who haven't, you should probably fix that. Like, now. It will be 20 minutes well spent.

Isn't that good? Yeah. That's what I thought. As I ate my macaroni and cheese that afternoon, Susan Cain got me all excited several times as she so effectively expressed what I've been thinking and feeling for the past months. And years. In a culture that caters to the strengths and personalities of extroverts, her thoughts are timely and much-needed. Because quiet people change the world, too.

But like Susan Cain, I am a huge fan of extroverts. Our world needs them. I don't think everybody should become a bookworm like me who seeks to get out of social obligations as often as possible to be alone or in a small group. But I think we all need to be a little more aware that it's just as good to be an introvert as an extrovert.

I actually started compiling thoughts for this blog post some months ago, shortly after an experience in my Writing Fellows class. This class was the training course for those of us beginning to work as Writing Fellows, or peer mentors of writing. (Translation: the class was full of nerds who love to write, people for whom ideas and literature are essential. But people who also love other people and want to help them.) One day we all completed the Myers-Briggs personality test. As we came back together and were discussing our results, one of our professors polled us on several questions to get a feel for the personality types in the class. I don't remember any dominant trends in the class that day except for when we came to that question of introvert vs. extrovert. When all but two or three kids in our class of two dozen raised their hands to indicate that they were introverts, our professor was shocked. She commented on how she hadn't expected that, considering that the majority of people in America were extroverts.

But I wasn't surprised.

I mean, you've got a group of good students, people who love writing, people who gain their sustenance and energy from solitary hours of thinking and reading and writing and pondering. Of course this group of people is going to be introverts. Sure, it requires people-skills to tutor, to serve others, to help. But are writers generally people who are out all night partying? Are they the ones you find in the center of the circle, the ones who have all the attention? Well, sometimes. But in my experience, you usually find the writers on the outskirts--observing, thinking, discussing in smaller groups. They're the ones who experience creativity spawned of connection to one's inner self, not to some incessant, loud music.

I also wasn't surprised that my professor implied that such a bright group of students ought to be the "better" of the two options--they ought to be extroverts.

But is it really better to be extroverted?

If you watched Cain's presentation, you're going to agree with me that it's not necessarily better to be extroverted. People need solitude in order to be creative. Introverts are some of the best leaders. The world needs introverts. But the bias still exists in America, and sometimes introverts feel a little picked on. We live in a world where words like "people person," "life of the party," "popular," and "outgoing" are lauded constantly. If you are always talking to people, always knowing everybody, always at another party, American culture labels you as a success--you're a person that everyone wants to be around. On the other hand, words like shy, quiet, reserved, withdrawn are looked down upon as personality flaws that need correction. (Be honest, you had a negative internal reaction when you read that list. You can't help but believe what society tells you with its constant bombardment of extrovert rhetoric.) These quiet people are distrusted, looked down upon, and even pitied. Often labeled as socially awkward, they are sometimes the "projects" of extroverts who want to help them acclimatize to life.

I witnessed this bias just the other day on Facebook. One of my friends, who is one of the sweetest, kindest girls you will ever meet, posted, "Today a coworker said I was outgoing. I just laughed." I smiled to myself, thinking of similar times when people have likewise considered me a people-person, and not the individual who draws strength and energy from solitude that I really am. But when I read a comment on her post, my smile faded: "Stop hating on yourself. You are one of the coolest people I have ever met." That logic bothers me. The equating of being "outgoing" with being "cool." The admittance of introversion being seen as "hating on yourself."

Because those are false assertions.

Admitting you are an introvert is not admitting to social ineptitude or lack of coolness.

There are other ways to be a good, kind, lovable, loving person than being "outgoing."

Even those who are not the "life of the party" bring richness to the lives of others.

Being introverted is not a character flaw. In fact, it's anything but that. Solitude is a gift from God. And introverts have learned to take advantage of it in order to build their character, to learn about life, and to give back to society.

That great Russian writer Dostoevsky had extensive personal experience with solitude when he spent years in Russian prison camps. Regarding this time he stated:

"I remember that all that time, despite my hundreds of companions, I lived in terrible solitude, and in the end, came to love this solitude. Alone in my heart I reexamined all my past life, sorted out everything to the last detail, carefully thought about my past, judged myself unyieldingly and sternly, and even at some times blessed fate for having sent me this solitude without which neither this judgment of myself nor this stern reexamination of my previous life would have taken place. And with what hopes did my heart then start to beat! I thought, I resolved, I swore to myself that in my future life there would be neither those errors nor those falls which had previously been made . . .I waited, I bade fate to hurry, I wanted to put myself to the test once again in a new battle . . . Freedom, a new life, resurrection from the dead. What a glorious moment!”

We all need solitude. We need that time to reflect on our past actions. We need to commune with Deity. We need to make plans. We need to recharge. But not even introverts can live in solitude forever--each must return to the battle that can only be fought in the company of other people. For a complete introvert, a hermit, cannot contribute to society. He cannot display the attributes he has intensely studied alone. Nor can he even adequately develop those attributes without other people to teach, guide, try, and support him.

But just as Christ had his wilderness where He found solitude, so, too, must each of us take the time to be alone. To be alone with ourselves. To be alone with God. And only then can we be prepared to fight and win life's battles.

And introverts seem to have a bit of an advantage in that quest for solitude. Maybe that's why there's such power in introverts.