Just Friends
There is something in the human soul that longs for permanence. The eternal nature of our being begs that the things which we love will not cease with our mortal breath. We ache to know that the relationships we cherish will not end at death. And because of our inherent nature as children of God, we each feel in our souls that these relationships will last forever. Anything less than that would be an injustice to the eternity we feel within ourselves.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I'm grateful that I've always had the knowledge that I will be with my family forever. Because my parents were married in the temple of the Lord by sacred priesthood power, my brothers and I are eternally bound to them. We never have to say goodbye. That knowledge especially brought a lot of comfort to me on my mission, knowing that I could leave my family in the Lord's hands and when I returned home, they would still be my family and they would still love me. I never feared losing them. Even death loses its fear--yes, the pain of separation at death is real (and believe me, I hate separation), but the hope of eternity soothes the ache and heals the pain. These relationships will never end.
And what of everybody else we love? What about those who have no familial designation but who are still dear beyond words?
A few days ago, I gathered with my family for a Christmas Eve celebration. Two of my sister-in-law's cousins were there, adorable little kids with an incredible capacity to love. I've spent a fair amount of time with them before, and the little girl is especially attached to me even though we technically have no familial relationship. At one point, as she was snuggled up next to me on the couch, she began inquiring into relationships.
"Are you two best friends?" she asked of me and my sister-in-law's sister (who does indeed happen to be one of my dearest friends and whom I was seeing that night for the first time in nearly two and a half years because of missions).
"We're sisters," I replied, smiling.
"No you're not!" this little girl argued. "You're cousins."
"Actually, it is closer to sisters," replied my friend. "We're concuñadas. There's no word in English, but there's one in Spanish."
"Oh." Little one turned to me. "So what are we?"
"Friends," answered my concuñada.
"No!" little one protested, "We're cousins-in-law."
I smiled and let the conversation drop there. But I was struck by that. "Friends" wasn't good enough for her. She wanted something with a familial name--something that sounded more eternal and gave her a right to keep me forever. And something that left me without the option of forgetting her. And as odd and distant as "cousins-in-law" sounded, she was willing to take that over "friends" because it meant we were family. And families are forever.
Now, that's definitely the first time I've seen people desire to have a familial relationship with a friend. In fact, let's think for a moment about godmothers, medieval knight friendships, and the popularized terms bff, bffl, kindred spirits, and soul sisters, among others. I even once made a list of two or three dozen scriptures in the LDS standard works all alluding to the eternal nature of friendships. And many of you will remember Joseph Smith making his statement that if his life were of no value to his friends, it was of no value to him. Thus both pop culture and religion seem to say that this is a fairly universal human desire--looking for permanence in all the important relationships of life, whether they be blood-bound or otherwise.
But when I heard my little friend say that, I was reminded of Christ's command that we be as little children. We ought to love in that manner--deeply, purely, eternally. The fact that children yearn for that permanence in their relationships is a witness to me that that is what is expected of each of us. That's what charity is. It's loving more strongly than the bands of death. It's treating others as Christ would and building relationships that can last through the eternities. In this light, I would argue that even the term "friend"--so often overlooked and minimized--carries with is a great deal of eternal significance and permanence.
Being "just friends" means a lot. Friendships can, and ought to be, eternal. Because, after all, we all are literally brothers and sisters. And God's family is eternal.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I'm grateful that I've always had the knowledge that I will be with my family forever. Because my parents were married in the temple of the Lord by sacred priesthood power, my brothers and I are eternally bound to them. We never have to say goodbye. That knowledge especially brought a lot of comfort to me on my mission, knowing that I could leave my family in the Lord's hands and when I returned home, they would still be my family and they would still love me. I never feared losing them. Even death loses its fear--yes, the pain of separation at death is real (and believe me, I hate separation), but the hope of eternity soothes the ache and heals the pain. These relationships will never end.
And what of everybody else we love? What about those who have no familial designation but who are still dear beyond words?
A few days ago, I gathered with my family for a Christmas Eve celebration. Two of my sister-in-law's cousins were there, adorable little kids with an incredible capacity to love. I've spent a fair amount of time with them before, and the little girl is especially attached to me even though we technically have no familial relationship. At one point, as she was snuggled up next to me on the couch, she began inquiring into relationships.
"Are you two best friends?" she asked of me and my sister-in-law's sister (who does indeed happen to be one of my dearest friends and whom I was seeing that night for the first time in nearly two and a half years because of missions).
"We're sisters," I replied, smiling.
"No you're not!" this little girl argued. "You're cousins."
"Actually, it is closer to sisters," replied my friend. "We're concuñadas. There's no word in English, but there's one in Spanish."
"Oh." Little one turned to me. "So what are we?"
"Friends," answered my concuñada.
"No!" little one protested, "We're cousins-in-law."
I smiled and let the conversation drop there. But I was struck by that. "Friends" wasn't good enough for her. She wanted something with a familial name--something that sounded more eternal and gave her a right to keep me forever. And something that left me without the option of forgetting her. And as odd and distant as "cousins-in-law" sounded, she was willing to take that over "friends" because it meant we were family. And families are forever.
Now, that's definitely the first time I've seen people desire to have a familial relationship with a friend. In fact, let's think for a moment about godmothers, medieval knight friendships, and the popularized terms bff, bffl, kindred spirits, and soul sisters, among others. I even once made a list of two or three dozen scriptures in the LDS standard works all alluding to the eternal nature of friendships. And many of you will remember Joseph Smith making his statement that if his life were of no value to his friends, it was of no value to him. Thus both pop culture and religion seem to say that this is a fairly universal human desire--looking for permanence in all the important relationships of life, whether they be blood-bound or otherwise.
But when I heard my little friend say that, I was reminded of Christ's command that we be as little children. We ought to love in that manner--deeply, purely, eternally. The fact that children yearn for that permanence in their relationships is a witness to me that that is what is expected of each of us. That's what charity is. It's loving more strongly than the bands of death. It's treating others as Christ would and building relationships that can last through the eternities. In this light, I would argue that even the term "friend"--so often overlooked and minimized--carries with is a great deal of eternal significance and permanence.
Being "just friends" means a lot. Friendships can, and ought to be, eternal. Because, after all, we all are literally brothers and sisters. And God's family is eternal.
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