Дома уже месяц

Today marks one month since I took off my little black badge and began the journey of returning to a life I’d forgotten. I feel much the same way I did after my first month living in Ukraine – looking back I feel like it has been the fastest and longest month of my life. I’ve gone to school for three weeks now, written some papers, learned some o chem, renewed friendships, made a lot of new friends, learned how to take care of mutant, green-glowing worms, but most of all, I’ve learned a great deal about how to live. 

Being back at the campus on which I studied for years before my mission is a somewhat surreal feeling. It brings home to me all the changes that have occurred in my life. There are, of course, those superficial changes, such as my tendency to sing hymns and Primary songs in the grocery store in a delightful combination of Russian and English. And my propensity to call people “sister” rather than their first names.  And replying to non-Russian speakers in Russian, with the complete expectation that they understood what I just said. 

But while those things may fade as I spend more time back in my little Provo world, there are many deeper changes that are beginning to reveal themselves to me. I feel more deeply – empathy, love, testimony – all those things which need to be felt in this world. I reflect more deeply and search more earnestly. I have gained an independence from the world around me, borne of a strengthened relationship with my Savior. I have learned more how to live. And as this period of adjustment continues and I once again learn how to live the role of a student and a lay member of the church, the changes in my soul will become starker, revealing who I really have become. And who I will yet become.